I am exhausted. Im purely exhausted to the point of falling over and dying. Or thats how I feel.
Im sick of being pregnant, and I am not ready to have another child running around the house. I knew I was done yesterday, and I am not done because of the kids, more so, because I am absolutly a mean mean person while I am pregnant. When I was pregnant with Kahleb, I was terribly grouchy all the time, I didnt even want to be around myself, and it seems that I get worse each time. And to no suprise I am mean this time too! I can't stand myself. I can't stand the feelings I have, I can't stand how I act, how irritated things make me, which by the way, everything irritates me to no end. My husband makes me so nuts, my children doesnt make anything better.
School is tiring, I am attending 3 classes, and will have to do so next time. And next time it will be even worse because I have to attend an online class, which I never do great with! I mean for crying out loud I cant even get my dang homework done for my in class. My husband is gone for his job a lot, so I have to take care of Kahleb and then at noon, Isaac comes home, and my time is consumed with them. And then when I do, do my homework, I am being bothered!
Like earlier, I am doing homework, and math problems at that, and Kahleb is walking around me doing this screaming, because he wants everything that I have. If I tell him no, than he has a full meltdown, but yet still doesnt stop. All of these kids are just like their father, they want to push me and push me and push me, and then I finally break, and start yelling at them. I have homework to do, a report to study and start writing about, another study that I DO need to analyze, and study for a test, all by 5pm today, which it does not appear I will get all that done, because of course as soon as I pick up a textbook, I am getting bothered.
There is no tv to watch, so there isnt sticking a cartoon on so the children can watch it, while I get something done. No, its their up my butt all day everyday, unless they are sleeping. Kahleb is seriously a terrible one, he is into EVERYTHING! Into the trash. If I leave the computer he crawls to it and smacks it over and over. If I do laundry he comes over and throws the stuff everywhere. He throws his food all over the floor. He is into anything he isnt suppose to be in. And a simple stern "NO", gives him a meltdown, yet he gets right back up and does it all over again.
And lastly my frustrations with how this pregnancy is going to end, has me having anxiety. If the placenta previa doesnt fix itself, than I will have to have a c-section and more than likely go on bedrest. If I go on bedrest, than the house will be destroyed all the damn time, Tommy wont clean it, I mean crap I have to clean up after him all the dang time. He leaves stupid little things around, like a cheese wrapper on the counter, his clothes on the floor, sure that all seems little but remember there are 4 Tommys in the house, and all 4 of them do it, so I have to clean up after all of them and myself. Laundry would never get done, and I would be a serious mental basket. The thought of a c-section scares the friggin crap out of me, I dont want to be cut into, Ive never even been to a "real surgery" I had tubes in my ears when I was a baby, and I dont remember that, and then when I had a d&c, they put me out, but they didnt cut into me. I wont be able to do stuff for weeks, and then that will be much more added stress on me. I am starting to loose my optimism and really am thinking that its not going to move.
I will end this horribly long rant, sounding like I dont like life at this moment, with: Please God help our family through the tough, help me overcome my super grouchiness and be nice to my children for the remainder of my pregnancy.
I will end this with some cute pictures of the kids, and make ya smile after a depressing post.
A color collage I made
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