I figure we are at the peak of the week, and it has to settle down some.. right?
I feel like I am already drained this week. Isaac has been acting strange this past week, typically he listens, and yeah has a couple meltdowns. However, he still acts fairly good, for being 3. This week has been a fight with him, down to getting clothes on. Hopefully this is just a weekly phase, and he will be back to himself. :P
Kahleb of course is into everything. No is No, but he thinks No means test mommy anyway ;). We are working together, its really hard to stay consistent with him, he either gives this sad cry, or this super duper adorable heart melting smile, and how could you say no? Or when he just throws himself into your arms, and hugs you, how could you say no? See even you couldnt say no.
Ryan has had his days, I think school is starting to catch up to him. Tommy and I were talking about putting them all down for a nap after school, instead of just Kahleb. I think their crankiness is what is the most bothersome. One day at a time.
This is new for all us really, I mean Ryan and Isaac are going to school. Ryan is going for a full day, and Isaac for a half. Meanwhile, Tommy is going to school too, and I am still going. All the while, we are living in a bit of a smaller house, which isnt really bothering me, less to clean. I wonder why people want such big houses lol. Seriously its easy to walk off the living room, and wash some clothes versus walking to the basement. And the living room is like a little bigger than our old bedroom, which makes for an easy clean-up too. The bathroom on the other hand, could gain some size, it is terribly small. Other than that, a month after the house burnt down, we are recovering well, and we are doing good. :)
And lastly but definatly not least important, little baby "r" is doing good. He has been actively moving quite a bit. I had a doctors appt on Tuesday, and he went ahead and checked the placenta and it has moved back up to where it belongs, therefore, I do not need a c-section. That is awesome news! I am over the top glad about that. The thought of being cut into scares me to pieces, so much just getting my tubes tied is a bit of a scary thought. I am very very thankful for that, I am glad that I wont be down for weeks in recovery, or that I wont have to go on bedrest. The sad fact is, I am a super busy person, and with 3 boys, I dont know how bed rest would have even been possible! But for now, that is not any concern and that is good news. And he still does not have a decided name.. And Tommys answer.. we have until December to decide!! He must not have gotten the memo that is like in 2 1/2 months! < Time flies!
All in all, everything is going good.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Life isnt always easy..
And there are definitely days where I want to give everything up, put everything down, and drive until I cant no more and hope that there is something better on the other side. Sadly I know there isnt something better over there. I know that I have a great life, however at times it does not feel like that.
I am exhausted. Im purely exhausted to the point of falling over and dying. Or thats how I feel.
Im sick of being pregnant, and I am not ready to have another child running around the house. I knew I was done yesterday, and I am not done because of the kids, more so, because I am absolutly a mean mean person while I am pregnant. When I was pregnant with Kahleb, I was terribly grouchy all the time, I didnt even want to be around myself, and it seems that I get worse each time. And to no suprise I am mean this time too! I can't stand myself. I can't stand the feelings I have, I can't stand how I act, how irritated things make me, which by the way, everything irritates me to no end. My husband makes me so nuts, my children doesnt make anything better.
School is tiring, I am attending 3 classes, and will have to do so next time. And next time it will be even worse because I have to attend an online class, which I never do great with! I mean for crying out loud I cant even get my dang homework done for my in class. My husband is gone for his job a lot, so I have to take care of Kahleb and then at noon, Isaac comes home, and my time is consumed with them. And then when I do, do my homework, I am being bothered!
Like earlier, I am doing homework, and math problems at that, and Kahleb is walking around me doing this screaming, because he wants everything that I have. If I tell him no, than he has a full meltdown, but yet still doesnt stop. All of these kids are just like their father, they want to push me and push me and push me, and then I finally break, and start yelling at them. I have homework to do, a report to study and start writing about, another study that I DO need to analyze, and study for a test, all by 5pm today, which it does not appear I will get all that done, because of course as soon as I pick up a textbook, I am getting bothered.
There is no tv to watch, so there isnt sticking a cartoon on so the children can watch it, while I get something done. No, its their up my butt all day everyday, unless they are sleeping. Kahleb is seriously a terrible one, he is into EVERYTHING! Into the trash. If I leave the computer he crawls to it and smacks it over and over. If I do laundry he comes over and throws the stuff everywhere. He throws his food all over the floor. He is into anything he isnt suppose to be in. And a simple stern "NO", gives him a meltdown, yet he gets right back up and does it all over again.
And lastly my frustrations with how this pregnancy is going to end, has me having anxiety. If the placenta previa doesnt fix itself, than I will have to have a c-section and more than likely go on bedrest. If I go on bedrest, than the house will be destroyed all the damn time, Tommy wont clean it, I mean crap I have to clean up after him all the dang time. He leaves stupid little things around, like a cheese wrapper on the counter, his clothes on the floor, sure that all seems little but remember there are 4 Tommys in the house, and all 4 of them do it, so I have to clean up after all of them and myself. Laundry would never get done, and I would be a serious mental basket. The thought of a c-section scares the friggin crap out of me, I dont want to be cut into, Ive never even been to a "real surgery" I had tubes in my ears when I was a baby, and I dont remember that, and then when I had a d&c, they put me out, but they didnt cut into me. I wont be able to do stuff for weeks, and then that will be much more added stress on me. I am starting to loose my optimism and really am thinking that its not going to move.
I will end this horribly long rant, sounding like I dont like life at this moment, with: Please God help our family through the tough, help me overcome my super grouchiness and be nice to my children for the remainder of my pregnancy.
I will end this with some cute pictures of the kids, and make ya smile after a depressing post.
A color collage I made
I am exhausted. Im purely exhausted to the point of falling over and dying. Or thats how I feel.
Im sick of being pregnant, and I am not ready to have another child running around the house. I knew I was done yesterday, and I am not done because of the kids, more so, because I am absolutly a mean mean person while I am pregnant. When I was pregnant with Kahleb, I was terribly grouchy all the time, I didnt even want to be around myself, and it seems that I get worse each time. And to no suprise I am mean this time too! I can't stand myself. I can't stand the feelings I have, I can't stand how I act, how irritated things make me, which by the way, everything irritates me to no end. My husband makes me so nuts, my children doesnt make anything better.
School is tiring, I am attending 3 classes, and will have to do so next time. And next time it will be even worse because I have to attend an online class, which I never do great with! I mean for crying out loud I cant even get my dang homework done for my in class. My husband is gone for his job a lot, so I have to take care of Kahleb and then at noon, Isaac comes home, and my time is consumed with them. And then when I do, do my homework, I am being bothered!
Like earlier, I am doing homework, and math problems at that, and Kahleb is walking around me doing this screaming, because he wants everything that I have. If I tell him no, than he has a full meltdown, but yet still doesnt stop. All of these kids are just like their father, they want to push me and push me and push me, and then I finally break, and start yelling at them. I have homework to do, a report to study and start writing about, another study that I DO need to analyze, and study for a test, all by 5pm today, which it does not appear I will get all that done, because of course as soon as I pick up a textbook, I am getting bothered.
There is no tv to watch, so there isnt sticking a cartoon on so the children can watch it, while I get something done. No, its their up my butt all day everyday, unless they are sleeping. Kahleb is seriously a terrible one, he is into EVERYTHING! Into the trash. If I leave the computer he crawls to it and smacks it over and over. If I do laundry he comes over and throws the stuff everywhere. He throws his food all over the floor. He is into anything he isnt suppose to be in. And a simple stern "NO", gives him a meltdown, yet he gets right back up and does it all over again.
And lastly my frustrations with how this pregnancy is going to end, has me having anxiety. If the placenta previa doesnt fix itself, than I will have to have a c-section and more than likely go on bedrest. If I go on bedrest, than the house will be destroyed all the damn time, Tommy wont clean it, I mean crap I have to clean up after him all the dang time. He leaves stupid little things around, like a cheese wrapper on the counter, his clothes on the floor, sure that all seems little but remember there are 4 Tommys in the house, and all 4 of them do it, so I have to clean up after all of them and myself. Laundry would never get done, and I would be a serious mental basket. The thought of a c-section scares the friggin crap out of me, I dont want to be cut into, Ive never even been to a "real surgery" I had tubes in my ears when I was a baby, and I dont remember that, and then when I had a d&c, they put me out, but they didnt cut into me. I wont be able to do stuff for weeks, and then that will be much more added stress on me. I am starting to loose my optimism and really am thinking that its not going to move.
I will end this horribly long rant, sounding like I dont like life at this moment, with: Please God help our family through the tough, help me overcome my super grouchiness and be nice to my children for the remainder of my pregnancy.
I will end this with some cute pictures of the kids, and make ya smile after a depressing post.
A color collage I made
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