Its been way to long.. Needing to process recent events

I haven't blogged in quite a while. But after an event, I feel I need to get it all out and process this a little bit.

So Last Thursday October 7, 2010, I was cooking a pie just about to head to pick up Tommy. The pie was almost done, and I was gathering some diapers and some clothes for the babes. When I hear a awful scream, you know the one that means pain. It was Gavin. I run into the kitchen, where he is standing using the oven door to hold on to. Kahleb had opened the oven. I grabbed up the baby, immediately put warm water on it, put some burn cream on it, was running around like crazy, and called Tommy in a panic, and basically said baby is burnt get to hospital.. I vaguely remember him saying he didn't have a ride and I yelled back to borrow a car and get there now! I didn't even give him much details, and hung up. Yelling at the kids to get into the van and into their seats, he called back to get more details and I headed out to the hospital.

Tommy is already there, and I have had 45 minutes to process what all was going on, and I know I needed to be calm for the children and so I didn't drive crazy, because we have taken that road before too. (wrecking in panic)

I take the baby in, they get him back right away, they access him and immediately determine he needs to be transferred to Children's Hospital (St. Johns in Springfield). Tommy comes in and holds babe while they do an IV, and I wait with the other children in the waiting room, while my mom is headed to come and pick them up. Right after she got there, they got the IV in and already had been given Morphine. We then waited for the ambulance to transfer us to Springfield.

They get there, and we are on our way. Although little guy was pretty high on morphine, he didnt sleep the whole way there. We get to the hospital and take a tour and go to the burn unit, and then were told we needed to go to the Pediatrics ICU. We walk back down there and go on in. They get him all situated into the bed, hooked up the all the monitors. The burn unit arrive shortly to access the damage. The doctor said that since his hands were completely white, that meant his skin was essentially scorched, that he was going to need burn grafts. He said typically they would wait a couple days and wait and see since children are very resilient but his were pretty bad, we would do the grafts in the morning.

The next morning, Friday, we went in for surgery. It felt like forever, I think it took a couple hours. Where I sat alone and waiting. Finally the nurse comes out and says things are going well, they are just stitching and that is taking a while, since they have to do small and fragile stitching.

Eventually the doctor came out and said all was well. They took a graft from his thigh, and then also from his inner thigh and his stomach. He has what looks like a tummy tuck scar. And then for his thigh there is a patch gone, where they took a couple layers.

He had vacuum bags on his arm, which were literally vacuum sealed. After 48 hours they would take all the dressing off and go from there.

The next 48 hours were tiring, which involved him getting a lot of morphine, and by Saturday, I was cuddling with him in a rocker.

At this time, he had an IV, a pulse/oxygen monitor on his foot, a blood pressure on the foot, 3 probes monitoring heart rate, respiratory. And then 2 vacuum lines, one from each hand.

Sunday came a long- 48 hours later. Burn unit came down, they sedated him and took all the dressings off, cleaned him and applied new dressing. We were then told we would be transferred to regular pediatrics that day.

He seemed a lot happier up there, he only had one thing on, an IV.
By the next morning, he had kicked it out.
After Monday early morning, he was hooked to nothing. He was so so much happier.

On Sunday, he got splints to keep his hands open and spread apart.

Sleep was awful as the nurses were always waking him through the night. They'd wake him through naps. But overall the next couple days he spent sleeping and playing.

We did dressing changes every morning, I had learned how to do it, and by Thursday, we were going home. We will continue to change his dressing every day, he has to wear his splints for a long while. This will be a long journey of recovery.

At the hospital, he really didn't eat that much. As soon as we left he started eating more and was much happier.



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GRAPHIC PICS OF HIS HANDS... A WEEK LATER

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Gavin has arrived. :)

Here is his birthstory:

So I was having contractions since the 16th at 2am. I went to l&d and was only a 3, and at my doc appt I was a 3 1/2. I continued to have contractions on and off through out the night. I had a bloody show from the time I left the hospital till I delivered.

Anyway today I kept having strong contractions all day, but they werent staying consistent and they were anywhere from 5-30 minutes apart. Around about 4, they started to get more regular. I went ahead and took a bath and made me some mac -n- cheese, and scarfed it down. Tommy got there around 520ish or so, and we headed out. Got to the hospital around 630 and she checked me and I was a 4 1/2 and my water was bulging. Of course they wanted to monitor me and check me in an hour and see if I had progressed. Tommy didnt come in, he just went and got some food, cause we figured it wasnt gonna be *that* soon. I mean there was a point where they slowed down to 6 min apart on the drive. Anyway the nurse comes back at 7, and is like Im gonna check ya.. Im like okay..

And at this point I had a ctrx at the same time, and I wanted her hand cause of the pain of her being in there and what not.. and then she grabbed my hand and is like calm down, Im gonna tell you whats going on. And shes like you are complete, you have a little bit of thinning to do. Tommy walks in, in this process. And shes like I think that once your water breaks its going to be over, and she went to say that she didnt think I was getting the epidural.

The only person, I got to call was my mom. I was suppose to send a text once I got admitted but since I went from being watched to nearly pushing, that did not happen. In fact, when the nurse came in I was about to text some people to let them know I was there to be watched.

At this point, my only concern was getting the antibiotics since I was GBS+. So they got that going, which btw burned my arm so bad, it hurt worse than ctrx.

And the two nurses was trying to keep me calm and what not. And honestly the ctrxs were not that bad. There was a lady in the room next to mine, and she had been crying and screaming out.. I had heard her from the time I arrived.

And the nurses really wanted to deliver the baby without the doctor.. not that I minded but the one nurse, kept checking me, and she wanted me to push while her hand was in there moving the lip of cervix.. and oh my god that hurt. That was one of the worse parts of it.

I honestly think once my water broke it would have finished off.. and I was willing to wait damn it, until the doctor came in and broke it!

But she insisted. At one point, she wouldnt remove her fingers and insisted I push.. I started cursing her.. move your effin fingers LOL...

Anyway my water broke finally after me pushing, and that as sooo much better... such a relief. Then I started pushing when I wanted..

And the other hardest part was his head and shoulders.. OH MY GOSH- THAT HURT. I was cussing too...

But in the end the doctor and the nurse all said I was amazing especially compared to my "neighbor" whom I guess got the epidural.

None the less.. all natural.. Gavin Vonne is here at 7:42 PM on December 18, 2009

6lbs 8oz 19 inches 13 1/2" for the head, and 13 for the chest.

And heres some pictures :)

Its been a few weeks.

Well I am 33 weeks this week. And it seems to be flying by quite fast with everything going on, such as going to school, and doing homework. I also have been doing classroom observations, and that is awesome. It also helps make the week fly by as well.

We are finally getting all settled after the fire. We got some new furniture this week.. Well some may be an understatement if you count everything we have bought. Like a computer desk and I bought a desk for my sewing machine. Got new couch and recliner. And oh my god they are so comfortable they make me want to sleep in them. Finally watching TV with an up to date tv. As you can tell we got our insurance money, we have paid off 2 HUGE credit cards, and our car. Its so great to not have to pay that car payment anymore, as well as the cards. That equaled to over one paycheck.

So thats what we have been doing this past week.

We are ready for the baby now, we have everything here and waiting. I am hoping to pack our hospital bags in the next couple days. Then it will just counting down. Tommy is wanting him to arrive on his birthday, but that is a little too early. And hopefully does not happen, lol.

Other than that everything has been pretty much the same. Kahleb is into everything, and wants to touch everything. Which makes me super nervous about a new baby coming home.

Well thats all I have time for today.

The noise of chaos..

How would you define chaos? Is it something that occurs in your house everyday?

It does in mine. Kahleb having meltdowns, and Ryan and Isaac fighting every waking hour. I sometimes have to cover my ears because there is so much noise going on, it makes me head pound.

I had to run to my room to enjoy some quietness, and of course update my blog, which seems like it gets neglected.

We have less than 10 weeks left, and it is going by oh so fast. Of course I dont expect to go to 40wks, considering that I have gone earlier each time. Hopefully this time, I wont go that early. And if so I sure hope it dont hurt my classes... lol. I guess that sounds a bit funny, and probably shows my dedication to school. Kahleb came 4 wks early.. and if this little guy follows anything like that, thats 6 wks left.. and that leaves me to say HOLY SHIT! < Yes, thats a curse word. We have nothing, well we will after next week, but we still dont even have a name not even an ideal of a name. *sigh* Tommy has been no help, and every name he has said was bizarre.

Isaac and Ryan is doing pretty good with school. They are their usual selfs, making me nuts..

Everything else is well the same.

Its humpday, so it will start going back down right?

I figure we are at the peak of the week, and it has to settle down some.. right?

I feel like I am already drained this week. Isaac has been acting strange this past week, typically he listens, and yeah has a couple meltdowns. However, he still acts fairly good, for being 3. This week has been a fight with him, down to getting clothes on. Hopefully this is just a weekly phase, and he will be back to himself. :P

Kahleb of course is into everything. No is No, but he thinks No means test mommy anyway ;). We are working together, its really hard to stay consistent with him, he either gives this sad cry, or this super duper adorable heart melting smile, and how could you say no? Or when he just throws himself into your arms, and hugs you, how could you say no? See even you couldnt say no.

Ryan has had his days, I think school is starting to catch up to him. Tommy and I were talking about putting them all down for a nap after school, instead of just Kahleb. I think their crankiness is what is the most bothersome. One day at a time.

This is new for all us really, I mean Ryan and Isaac are going to school. Ryan is going for a full day, and Isaac for a half. Meanwhile, Tommy is going to school too, and I am still going. All the while, we are living in a bit of a smaller house, which isnt really bothering me, less to clean. I wonder why people want such big houses lol. Seriously its easy to walk off the living room, and wash some clothes versus walking to the basement. And the living room is like a little bigger than our old bedroom, which makes for an easy clean-up too. The bathroom on the other hand, could gain some size, it is terribly small. Other than that, a month after the house burnt down, we are recovering well, and we are doing good. :)

And lastly but definatly not least important, little baby "r" is doing good. He has been actively moving quite a bit. I had a doctors appt on Tuesday, and he went ahead and checked the placenta and it has moved back up to where it belongs, therefore, I do not need a c-section. That is awesome news! I am over the top glad about that. The thought of being cut into scares me to pieces, so much just getting my tubes tied is a bit of a scary thought. I am very very thankful for that, I am glad that I wont be down for weeks in recovery, or that I wont have to go on bedrest. The sad fact is, I am a super busy person, and with 3 boys, I dont know how bed rest would have even been possible! But for now, that is not any concern and that is good news. And he still does not have a decided name.. And Tommys answer.. we have until December to decide!! He must not have gotten the memo that is like in 2 1/2 months! < Time flies!

All in all, everything is going good.

Life isnt always easy..

And there are definitely days where I want to give everything up, put everything down, and drive until I cant no more and hope that there is something better on the other side. Sadly I know there isnt something better over there. I know that I have a great life, however at times it does not feel like that.

I am exhausted. Im purely exhausted to the point of falling over and dying. Or thats how I feel.
Im sick of being pregnant, and I am not ready to have another child running around the house. I knew I was done yesterday, and I am not done because of the kids, more so, because I am absolutly a mean mean person while I am pregnant. When I was pregnant with Kahleb, I was terribly grouchy all the time, I didnt even want to be around myself, and it seems that I get worse each time. And to no suprise I am mean this time too! I can't stand myself. I can't stand the feelings I have, I can't stand how I act, how irritated things make me, which by the way, everything irritates me to no end. My husband makes me so nuts, my children doesnt make anything better.

School is tiring, I am attending 3 classes, and will have to do so next time. And next time it will be even worse because I have to attend an online class, which I never do great with! I mean for crying out loud I cant even get my dang homework done for my in class. My husband is gone for his job a lot, so I have to take care of Kahleb and then at noon, Isaac comes home, and my time is consumed with them. And then when I do, do my homework, I am being bothered!

Like earlier, I am doing homework, and math problems at that, and Kahleb is walking around me doing this screaming, because he wants everything that I have. If I tell him no, than he has a full meltdown, but yet still doesnt stop. All of these kids are just like their father, they want to push me and push me and push me, and then I finally break, and start yelling at them. I have homework to do, a report to study and start writing about, another study that I DO need to analyze, and study for a test, all by 5pm today, which it does not appear I will get all that done, because of course as soon as I pick up a textbook, I am getting bothered.

There is no tv to watch, so there isnt sticking a cartoon on so the children can watch it, while I get something done. No, its their up my butt all day everyday, unless they are sleeping. Kahleb is seriously a terrible one, he is into EVERYTHING! Into the trash. If I leave the computer he crawls to it and smacks it over and over. If I do laundry he comes over and throws the stuff everywhere. He throws his food all over the floor. He is into anything he isnt suppose to be in. And a simple stern "NO", gives him a meltdown, yet he gets right back up and does it all over again.

And lastly my frustrations with how this pregnancy is going to end, has me having anxiety. If the placenta previa doesnt fix itself, than I will have to have a c-section and more than likely go on bedrest. If I go on bedrest, than the house will be destroyed all the damn time, Tommy wont clean it, I mean crap I have to clean up after him all the dang time. He leaves stupid little things around, like a cheese wrapper on the counter, his clothes on the floor, sure that all seems little but remember there are 4 Tommys in the house, and all 4 of them do it, so I have to clean up after all of them and myself. Laundry would never get done, and I would be a serious mental basket. The thought of a c-section scares the friggin crap out of me, I dont want to be cut into, Ive never even been to a "real surgery" I had tubes in my ears when I was a baby, and I dont remember that, and then when I had a d&c, they put me out, but they didnt cut into me. I wont be able to do stuff for weeks, and then that will be much more added stress on me. I am starting to loose my optimism and really am thinking that its not going to move.

I will end this horribly long rant, sounding like I dont like life at this moment, with: Please God help our family through the tough, help me overcome my super grouchiness and be nice to my children for the remainder of my pregnancy.

I will end this with some cute pictures of the kids, and make ya smile after a depressing post.

A color collage I made

Dun dun Dun..

Wow, is it already almost September? That is nuts!

Lets see where do I even start?

Oh maybe the life changing event of our house burning down? Well there isn't really much to say other than I received a phone call while I was at Tommys parents house and he was at school, letting me know that our house was gone. Upon arriving, it was a mess.. Basically we were told it was an electrical fire; the electrical cord grounded out that went to the fridge.

We have been recovering from that. We are very thankful for everyone who has helped even if it was just a little. We couldn't have done it without them.

A week and half later everything is starting to settle out, which I will be so glad to get back to regular routine things, not that children are that regular or routine, so heck what am I saying?

Since we had another house, we moved into here, and practically remodeled it. We got new carpet, new doors, a new window (we still need 2 more), tiled the dining room, painted the boys' room. The house is smaller, but that should make it easier to clean.

We are handling very well. I once read that when things go wrong, everyone always looks at the negatives in the situation and never the positives. I have tried to look at the positives in this and not dwell on the negatives, if you let the negatives tear you down, then my boys will see us sad, and they will be sad. Instead of thinking of what I lost, and cant replace, I think of what I do have. We were not home and we are all safe, that is a very good thing. I DID have my laptop and my camera. Sure I lost many photos and prints, but I do have lots of photos. Sure I don't have any equipment but I still have the most important part. I can sit here all day and say all the things that I lost, but why? Why, let it bother me greatly, instead try to think forward and to the future.

Anyway enough of my mambo jumbo stuff that is being imprinted in me the more I go to school. Ryan and Isaac are doing really well. They love their room, its all decorated for them, and they have super cute beds, we bought them new bedding, so they like that. Ryan has adjusted from moving to the new school. I am extremely nervous for Isaac to go, he starts tomorrow hopefully that goes well.

Kahleb is growing so much; taking steps more often, and getting braver. I think since we got the carpet, that it has helped tremendously, since when he does fall it doesn't hurt. I love his smile and happiness, always so smiley. I also love watching him throw a little tantrum, its to cute, of course we just ignore it. This past week he has had a cold so he hasn't felt totally himself. Other than that everything is going great with my chunker.

The newest baby is doing well too. We had our level 2 ultrasound on Tuesday. He was measuring on the smaller side of the average for his age almost 15 ounces. The doctor did mention however that the placenta was really close to the cervix, although in technical terms in really means placenta previa, he did appear to have high hopes that it will move up by 28wks, if not than that could mean that I would have to have a c-section.. Which is a terrifying thought to me! On a good note he has been quite active this past week, which I always love feeling their movements.

Tommy and I are doing great! I am starting to get a cold, which just really sucks. And Tommy is getting over one. But all in all things are good for both of us, just been busy going to school full time.

.....Until Next Time....

Expecting number 4...

Well, we are expecting number 4, in December. And the baby is all boy!!

So we will have a house full of boys.. Yippee for that.. lol

Just wanted to say that.

Everything is doing okay.

Just wanted to write and say everything is doing good.

Kahleb went to his yearly check up and he was 23 lbs and 10 oz, and 30 inches long. My how he has grown. Here the past couple days he will take stand up by himself, and yesterday he took a couple steps by himself, so he is def. getting more brave.

Ryan and Isaac are doing good. Isaac went to his dentist, he got a clean bill of health on all teeth. Ryan starts school soon, and I couldn't be more happy about that. Other than that, they have been doing the same ol, same ol. Fighting all the time, beating each other up and what not.

Tommy and I are good, I suppose. He is pretty busy working all the time, so I dont really see all to much. Right now we are on break from school, and when school comes, we will be very exhausted, with all two days of no school. I know I am taking 1 more credit than full time, and that might pose to be hard. But I can do it.

Thats pretty much it.

It really has been that long... WoW.

I haven't posted in 3 months, I cant believe it.

KAHLEB IS A YEAR OLD NOW! And just on Sunday, his very first tooth broke through, wow this is exciting. We didn't do much for his birthday, we just enjoyed cupcakes with him, and took his pictures while he made a mess. He is not walking yet. No biggie there though, he does however walk with you with only one hand, so he is def. getting ready to take off. Oh and he will push and walk around with the boys' tricycle. For a bit now he has been saying "daddy". Its adorable. Other than, nothing really new, says words here and there, and does cute little things that his mommy cant resist.

Ryan is starting school in a couple weeks, I FREAKING CANT WAIT. I am excited, but I will also enjoy my semi-quiet time while he is gone. He def. is our hyper kid that talks 100 mph, goes on and on and on.. and now your dizzy. We get to go school shopping next week. My first time actually going school shopping, so cool.

Isaac is doing pretty good. Nothing new really. He has a dentist check-up today, his very first, so thats a bit nervous, since he seems to clam around strangers, I hope that goes well.

Basically everything is going okay. There are bad days and there are good days, but speaking of that dentist appt I have to get him and myself ready to go. Ta-Ta until the next blog.